Comedy

4 Spooky Workouts Just In Time For Halloween

Fun Guy Friday: Your weekly dose of fitness satire.

fgfhalloween

It’s that time of year again, the only day where it’s socially acceptable to take free candy from strangers. If you plan on secretly eating all the candy you were planning to give out this weekend you’ll need to get in the gym to work it all off.

Here are 4 spooky workouts you could try:

1. Thinking of A Halloween Costume

costume-choice

One of the biggest mental workouts you face in the year comes on October 31st. Do I want to be funny? Do I want to relate something to current events? Maybe I want to be an intricate pun and have to explain my costume to everyone all night? Keep in mind your costume could be in a profile picture for eternity so don’t mess it up.

2. Escaping A Swarm Of Zombies

zombie-runner

Being actively pursued by a pack of the un-dead whose sole intention is to consume everything in their path is certainly one of the top cardio options for 2015. You’re gonna be running for a while, so make sure you have a large blunt object on you in order to destroy their brains whenever you rest.

3. Summon a Demon

demon-lift

Summoning a demon is much easier than you think, all you really need to do is put out an open invitation. Demons are among the most effective personal trainers in the spirit-world, because they break you down to build you up again. Be careful though, if you let your workout weaken you too much, the demon might gain control of your soul. Nothing will motivate you to work harder in the gym than the thought of becoming possessed by an evil spirit.

4. Perform an Exorcism Because You’re Now Possessed

exorcism

You probably shouldn’t have summoned that demon. That was a bad idea. But there’s good news, evicting spiritual entities from your body is a great way to burn fat. Whether it’s done by performing an elaborate ritual or simply commanding it to depart in the name of a higher power, an exorcism will give you that deep burn throughout your entire body leaving you sore for days.

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